not about the weather

See I know that today I want to write about sex....I can tell because whilst I am composing in my mind to talk all about the weather (steamy) and the fantastic garden displays (in full lustfull bloom) and bikerides (weeeee) and spring racing carnivals (all glamour all the time and big $$$$ and rippling muscles on horses)
I just want to get out a little sex on the page...
I want to get a little sex into me..
Now I will temper that by saying...
I have been getting plenty of great , delicious, soulfull, energising sex..its not lack of, that leads me to fantasy land.
hell maybe it IS the heat, the flowers and bikeriding on the bay!!!
Myabe its also because I feel more energised..even when I have had a crappy sleep, I still have more energy and incination to be and do, than a month ago..
All hail to the lack of alcohol racing through my system.
So I guess I just want to write erotic thoughts down because they are the thoughts I am having today....and this is a journal of sorts.
I am having thoughts of hot and lusty sex, I am having thoughts of being told to prepare my ass for fucking. I would like that, very very.
I am having thoughts that capture the essence of the story of O. Yes yes its a common fantasy for many women I know, buts its for very good reasons.
I get so hungry for LL sometimes, and its never at a time I can predict, there is no ryhme nor reason other than, I know how well he fucks me, how deep, how intuitive, how strong.
I want not to even question how he wants me to please him, this idea pleases me enough.
this is a random fantasy, its not with me all the time. I assume thats why I want to put fingers to the typepad right now, its where I am at and it shall pass. But when these thoughts are with me, my mind wanders from one sub fantasy to the next...so if my body isn't fucking my mind is, and thats where all the best sex lives.
I want him to withhold my pleasure till he demands me to cum. I want his cock buried deep in my ass tight and almost unbearable till that gentle rocking motion unlocks my fever and he can thrust in and out of me till I am gasping. His fingers bruising my ass cheeks and my hips..his mouth biting on my neck my shoulders. Rolling me over, sliding his cock back in, and perhaps letting me touch myself to take me in deeper and deeper. I want gratuitous slutty, I am indeed his dirty girl sex.
and thats that...
happy as a lark, now I have written..
I shall head off to an appointment
with a swing in my step and a pulse, da dum da dum..centred deep within.
and am I going to act on this fantasy
hell no...but then again I guess I just did..I wrote about it!!

The mood acording to Nick Cave

Yep thats whose playing on lovely lovers system, oh hes so maudlin and beautiful and rich with words.

So Nick has the ability to really take the listener on a journey, and he is magical..The journey tonight, just contentment because he I am going with the rich with words vibe..
I have not had a drink of alcohol for ten days, not sniffed , not coveted, not wanted a drink.. At first from fear and self loathing, hey whatever it takes!!! Then after I thought I was losing my mind for 24 hours and my body hurt, I didn't want a drink purely because I had gone through that hell and there is a certain triumph to that...it also made me realise, I had a serious problem..and I don't now..I had the light bulb moment, though more than flicking the epiphanous switch, it was more like a blow to the head literally when smashed, an irrational thought process fueled by pissy eyed delusion made me refuse to go to the hospital, that could have seen me without my partner, without the respect of my daughter, without my life, and without ME..so there I was , here I am...I feel like I am being cleaned, I feel like I own me again..its only a problem when it becomes a problem, and it was a problem. And no I am not tempted or freaked out, I don't even have have it in the front of my mind, its just there simmering, comforting me, it was simple, I was blessed with something I know not what, I was blessed with the decision maybe,?????? I feel like I know how to rescue me again, which is something I have always been want to do,, well a girl can slip of her rails sometime.
So thats today , tonight, raining outside late into the night early into the morning..one of my favorite times...
Its warm now , it won't keep really cold again till next year..
Flowers are everywhere, calling my nose to them for deep hayfever loaded sniffs, everywhere is in full blown color...people are starting to pour into our neighbourhood on the weekends and we have to share our outside tables in the sun with families and backbackers ready for summer..
Its the price you pay for living in paradise.
And I will ..gladly .
So its been a serious time, loaded with magic and energy I forgot I had. I think I will dance more and smile more now. I will not make promises or say I will when I won't.
I am not scared of being alone with me, physically or spiritually and I forgot that for a moment. I didn't let my being get clear enough to know where I was at..after death, marriage crap etc...I can stand and face the sky and say , well thats life and the pain has passed, i just wasn't sober long enough to notice!!!...and I can breath and I have so much to love and quite possibly heaps to give.
Time will tell.

my place in the sun

Its been so long since I blogged, I guess you do when you do!!
Blogging is only an obligation for me, though its lovely when its read and apreciated, in an obscure, out there sort of way..
Where have I been these past few weeks, not far from this chair and this beautiful room in the physical , but in the spiritual, sometimes I have been in the ether in the void, other times so in my own head that I am sure that I could have spontaneously combusted leaving nothing but a pair of fabulous shoes and a pile of sad ashes. Quite the journey, we have em I suppose. I like to think I have grown, learned as a woman, a person, a lover, a friend. But it seems when I loose sight of me, I am not so good at any of these things...so I am crawing back from the murky depths of a wee bit of depression. Wherein there by the grace of god go me, I think I have maybe evolved a little more. I know how beautiful life is , I know because it is offered up to me everyday.
SO Whats been happening.??
We have planted out the entire garden, my lovely lover says its a promise for a future, well not quite in those words, but I got it, and I feel it. To just tend to it, is peace and joy.
My daughter celebrated another birthday, I was honoured to spend much of that day with her, I am more honoured to be her mother.
I have had party girl time with my lovely ladies, mostly fun, but a little too much for a fragile spirit sometimes. Haircuts and champagne and dancing and laughing, holding each others babies, swapping clothes, swapping stories, where would I be without them. More sober more often I think. But way less happy.The girls are all about balance for me.
Lovely lover nailed a major part of a project and I celebrate his dedication. He also nailed me quite a few times, and rather nicely at that.
I had a minor (but loud obnoxious and painfull) nervous breadown, surrounding trust issues and more of the same, seems like the damage of sexual assault, still lurks deep in the heart. Promise to me to go there and know I am safe and loved and learn some more. Lovely lover can only take so much and both of us have had enough. That was fucking scary as hell, and as I type I realise how deep it cuts as my legs have gone weak and my heart starts to beat, i feel sick and scared, its powerfull shit and these are just feelings of relief that I am feeling a little more on the other side.. The thought of losing my magic life to something in my past (recent and then way back when) is abhorrent to me. And its time to make it stop.....more later I am sure.
Oh and by way of balancing up the heavy with the light...I have two new pairs of shoes....sigh
One pair is a copy of Dorothy Wizard of Oz shoes the ruby slippers, my god who wouldn't be happy wearing them.
And the other??? thigh high black patent over L'L's shoulder boots. Great therapy in themselves.
Can't believe I have bashed out some words, feared I never would again...thats like a death to me. I refuse to even read back on this one, spelling mistakes, lack of punctuation, I care not today...for today I have padded my fingers over the keyboard..today is a good day.

mid afternoon musings

Well I just partied a little too hard last night..went and filmed with my DV cam, I have hardly used it, but I have a bee in my bonnet about making a short film, so time to work it all out..
Lovely lover I guess is a huge source of inspiration..and I am very inspired indeed. I am surrounded by the medium and I have been working on this script for years...this week I just feel now that it is complete and I am ready to roll.
Of course being an instant gratification Gemini, means I am like a bull at a gate, I need to actually get a story board sorted and organise my shoot..sigh, I just wanna do the fun stuff.

This week has been quite the little journey, a glitch or two in the Matrix of my relationship, a few trust issues from the past came up..I exploded, fuck I am a flight or flee kinda girl. I hate the uncertainty of my inner deep recesses of thought. Its stuff from so far way back and it is a constant work in progress. The worst feeling is mistrust, because there is so little you can do about it..I loathe deep inside the feelings that somehow I deserved it, not good enough for the truth or for love that matter. However there has been conversation and connection and even though I fell in love quite by accident (a lovely one of course), I entered into this relationship with hesitation and a little fear, but it seemed right then and it seems more than right now. Ex partners ,ex lovers, are a part of who we are , but they are not our now they are our then.. So I try not to bathe in the melancholia it does me no good, except for some great poetry!! Whew so it was tough and I hurt a little still, but more after shocks than anything else. I like to think these things deepen a good relationship not tear it apart. And I have to learn not to run scared. We deserve great things for ourselves and for each other, this is life. And I am full of it, and him and us. All this reflection and pondering and hurting hearts and tears in the shower and holding holding holding him as he sleeps, can make a girl a little messy.

Two of my best girlfriends are in town. Delicious little trouble making tarts. We are all going to a friends closed salon tomorrow for haircuts and champagne. Too fun.

Its date night tonight, I am hoping for a warm glow of specialness and good vibes. All my secret sex slave , latex, school girl, tie my up, tie me down, pull my hair, spank me hard, treat me like a slut fantasies are floating in the ether,.
I am more intent on making my man feel renewed and energised with a white light fusion of ritual and spirituality and if there is any sex, the magic variety will be just fine. In fact I am aiming for levitation in all areas.

good things happen

Sunday...a little blah.Big Fridaybusy SaturdaySaturday Night friends birthday party.Sunday Morning a little scattered, the kind of sensation that needs vegemite, coffee, vitamin B,slow movements and not too much noise. And Sunshine!!! but alas, Melbourne is also feeling a little vague today," ïs it spring, oh I forgot."
My darling is about to take a bath and read On the Road, I am pondering whether my Sunday afternoon regular, meet girlfriends for a drink routine is such a good idea. Its never a bad one to be honest.
Lovely lover had a massive fuck up with some editing he was doing, fixable but tedious so I know he has to be focused, thankfully I have learnt that being busy does not mean that I am not loved adored needed etc...Took a while, he sure knows how to bury himself in his work....and me as well....mmmm yes he does.
Of course I am incredibly horny today...he is a little more switch on/switch off than me, we discussed this in the tub on Friday night, I always seem to be a gentle simmer. Of course when it comes to fucking which is regular and unpredictable, he is 100% into the moment. I am not overly aggressive when it comes to seduction but without a doubt I work at being ready for him whenever the mood strikes...pussy aways clean shaven, mouth willing, heart open. I also aim for an enema at least weekly, not neccessary for a good anal fucking but rather lovely non the less.

So back to my even more achy and tingling desires..what to do?As I sit and write I know that right now I could side my fingers down to my hard little clit and get off within seconds..but no, and its not denial, I am loving the longing, the little primal scream that is welling up in me.

Instead I am going to set up my massage table and light candles in the living room (such a sexy beautiful room, our home is homage to our art and love). I will warm the oil and when my darling is done bathing, I shall give him a long massage, a thai oil massage in fact. I will ease out those shoulders and glutes until he turns to butter. AS I am doing this I will channel wonderful loving energy into his body. And this is the most important part of taking care of him, breathing light and joy into his soul..and I will be happy for it to end there….one can never predict.


Then there is the fantasy of it all.........
ANd yes then I would love for him to eat my pussy licking in long languid hot strokes as I turn around and suck his cock deep into the back of my throat till my eyes water. and when he has me close and he is close we will back away and kiss and kiss and kiss.The he will place my ass on the edge of the table and drive his cock into me while his thumb flicks hard and fast over my clit..as I cum he will pull out and slide into my ass, which has been prepared for him via the butt plug I have had in these past few hours. He will hold his cock inside me till I soften and start pushing against him willing him on, desperate for his cum, he will reach towards my nipples twisting turning pulling...he will feel me pulsing around him and his brow will furrow and he will throw his head back as he cums deep inside me. He will hold me for what feels like forever and I will not be able to tell where he begins and I end. We will giggle and kiss and he will get back to work and I will go see the girls with a big smile on my face or else I might just give him that massage and know that is beautiful tooI’ll keep you posted!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

a little reality and a little fantasy

Spring is springing in Melbourne town....delicious warm gusts with the promise of summer scented with jasmine and eucalypt, sigh!! But as with early spring, between those garden growing, bike riding, sun worshipping days comes rain and frantic gusty storms across the bay, black clouds fly across the waves sweeping up the sea birds and whipping my face with sand. I love this time of year. Its predictable unpredictability.

Today is bleak and cloudy but it has that gorgeous Friday feel, the weekend looms in front of me...I am in my office and my lover sits across from me at his desk editing a film he is working on..the soundtrack is haunting and steeped in melancholia, when I first heard it, I thought I woud never get any of my work done with that swirling around my space..however now that I have heard it a hundred times plus...well its just noise.

and days like this make me want to write..........

He sleeps, I slide from under the covers, so as not to disturb his dreams, his rest.
I go to the bathroom, I splash my face, its cold, and my cheeks turn red with the tingling burn..
I move to the kitchen..........coffee strong, not because I like it that way ( I dilute) he does.
As it brews I shower, new coconut salt scrub wakes up my skin and lifts my spirits, it leaves a coating of oil on my skin, I like the water, the way it forms rivulets over my breasts and trickles down my stomach across the slick the scrub has left. I shave my pussy as is ritual every day..always silky smooth.
I remain naked even though the chill has me shivering.
I open the door with my elbow and softly walk to his side of the bed. As I place the tray on the table his hand slides out from under the covers, to stroke my ass.
"Good morning sweet one", his eyelids flicker open and the look up at me piercing green.
"turn around"
and I do.
"face the wall, open your legs for me"
I lean against the plaster, arch my back and spread my legs, I feel the cool air over my wet lips"
"use your fingers darling, show me how wet you are this morning"
I slide my hands over my ass, using my fingers to spread myself open further, I dip my middle finger into my pussy, it grips and clenches , I try not to go too fast, I slide in a second and slowly stroke in and out.
"very nice darling, turn around"
I extract my fingers, and turn, I look into his eyes, they are sparkling, my stomach lurches with love and lust.
"show me how much you love your own taste"
I take my fingers to my mouth and lick and suck off every little drop of me, my clit pulsing as his eyes never leave my face.
"closer, legs open"
I step forward he slides the covers down, his brown chest exposed as he raises up on his pillows. He sips his coffee and nods with apreciation.
His hand reaches towards my pussy and he slides his fingers between the slippery folds, back and forth in a sawing motion. My legs are weak. I take a nipple in each hand and pull and twist, sending electric current to my clit. I can hear and feel my wetness increase and he languidly dips three fingers in and out of me.
"You are going to cum so hard"
This I now is true.
"now help me precious"
He fucks his fingers in and out, I stare at his beautiful biceps and feel his strength deep inside me. My right hand trails to my pussy, I swirl my fingers over my clit, I feel one finger slide into my ass and gain momentum with my pussy. I lean back using the wall for support, my fingers almost smoking against my aching clit. I feel the dam burst as I gush and squirt my nectar over his fingers and down my thighs ..I push out more and feel the urgent flow. I feel it trickling down my ankles as we both slow down. I hear my breath ragged all around me, my chest heaving as he pulls me down to him..kissing my thighs and savouring my sweetness. His brings my face to his all covered in juices and kisses me deep and hard, gathering my hair in his fist and biting my lips and sucking my tongue.
He pulls away a little and smiles at me and into me.
"now my little slut, face the wall, I think your ass is mine this morning"
So I turn.
"good girl"
YES I AM

Dancing in a sea of love

So I have been staring at this blank page for what seems an eternity...I digressI love this site..I read it , I get aroused by the written word and the blend of erotica, itelligence and play and now here I sit wanting to go into a floral sizzling intense rant about my sex, my lover, my fantasties...sheesh my imagination and lack of early morning coffee have me..well sigh!And then I realise..I can't really write because my mind is elsewhere and I have to put it here...My mind is down in the kitchen...grinding coffee and making oatmeal with cranberries and banana cos whats on my mind has a healthy appetite this morning...Whats on my mind fucked me senseless last night..yes he did.After a busy weekend of family and sunshine and twee but important domestic tasks that make our space beautiful..it was finally time. This girl loves foreplay, but three days, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof..first was the pull into the mini office as our friend used the phone just outside and deep tongue kissing, ravenous and tearing down my top and biting on my nipples till my legs were weak..then back to our friend as he finished his call..a little while later after much flirting, he ate my pussy with such hunger and stopped as I reached for the back of his head...my mind begging him to tongue my ass , my pussy , my mouth more more..busy day he says ..work to do.Then his cock deep in my mouth just before I had to go and be somewhere else..just a few minutes of that perfect golden rock hard precious manhood fucking my throat till my eyes watered..I ambled to the bar and met my girlfriends all a bit left of centre and smiling from deep within my pussy.One can't forget a Sunday in the garden, naked and catching the first tantalizing rays of a promise of spring...His beautiful hard body tanned and wiry next to my milky white skin and softness..carressing and full body holding for time unknown whilst his tongue swept over my lashes and lips. Massaging him, every little pressure point, every sore spot, deep tissue work trying not to be distracted by the curve of his ass and my pussy sliding along his spine in long oily strokes as I worked his stresses away..surely now???No he is editing it was back to the grind and I fed him field mushrooms with truffle oil and ribeye with red wine sauce..we ate we kissed we spooned we slept..I woke with my fingers sliding over my pussy..save it, it will be soon.Pottering about while he works on a sound mix and we pass in the hall and meet for coffee in the garden...the day passes with brush pasts and soft pats on my ass and deep kisses between work..We walk the beach to watch the sun go down and catch up on our day...we have a beer overlooking the bay..he asks if I am hungry..when he goes to the washroom I send him a text "YES I AM VERY HUNGRY"he recieves it we leave to walk...he laughs and holds me tight against the gale of wind that has us pretending to fly down the street coats blowing back behind us ,cheeks stinging with smiles and biting air...We eat excellent pizza...on the street..everything but no peppers on my side..We take the side streets home...we talk and hold hands.At home we feed the cat..we become all shy..I do washing for gods sake, he flirts with me as I hang it out..I suggest listening to Leonard Cohen..he says he has to work..this bites..He fucks around photo editing..he puts leonard on..I leave the room and go wash some more ..its a good night for drying!.am I dancing or playing a game.I read in the living room by fairy and candle light, The house of the spirits ....I am compelled..We shower..we freshen..we cuddle..WE climb into bed..we feel a little nervous..and so in love..we kiss a little..as I roll over to get some water , he snuggles in..fuck I turn out the light, what the hell am I doing???I assume he wants to sleep..His cock is pushed up hard against my lower spine..I arch as he presses..I breathe in deep..HIs fingers slide my slip across my breast..pinching my nipple..I roll over and suck his tongue into my mouth...and so ............I turn the light back on.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx