ALL OF ME.....TAKE ALL OF ME....

not about the weather

2005-11-02T12:57:00.000+11:00

See I know that today I want to write about sex....I can tell because whilst I am composing in my mind to talk all about the weather (steamy) and the fantastic garden displays (in full lustfull bloom) and bikerides (weeeee) and spring racing carnivals (all glamour all the time and big $$$$ and rippling muscles on horses)
I just want to get out a little sex on the page...
I want to get a little sex into me..
Now I will temper that by saying...
I have been getting plenty of great , delicious, soulfull, energising sex..its not lack of, that leads me to fantasy land.
hell maybe it IS the heat, the flowers and bikeriding on the bay!!!
Myabe its also because I feel more energised..even when I have had a crappy sleep, I still have more energy and incination to be and do, than a month ago..
All hail to the lack of alcohol racing through my system.
So I guess I just want to write erotic thoughts down because they are the thoughts I am having today....and this is a journal of sorts.
I am having thoughts of hot and lusty sex, I am having thoughts of being told to prepare my ass for fucking. I would like that, very very.
I am having thoughts that capture the essence of the story of O. Yes yes its a common fantasy for many women I know, buts its for very good reasons.
I get so hungry for LL sometimes, and its never at a time I can predict, there is no ryhme nor reason other than, I know how well he fucks me, how deep, how intuitive, how strong.
I want not to even question how he wants me to please him, this idea pleases me enough.
this is a random fantasy, its not with me all the time. I assume thats why I want to put fingers to the typepad right now, its where I am at and it shall pass. But when these thoughts are with me, my mind wanders from one sub fantasy to the next...so if my body isn't fucking my mind is, and thats where all the best sex lives.
I want him to withhold my pleasure till he demands me to cum. I want his cock buried deep in my ass tight and almost unbearable till that gentle rocking motion unlocks my fever and he can thrust in and out of me till I am gasping. His fingers bruising my ass cheeks and my hips..his mouth biting on my neck my shoulders. Rolling me over, sliding his cock back in, and perhaps letting me touch myself to take me in deeper and deeper. I want gratuitous slutty, I am indeed his dirty girl sex.
and thats that...
happy as a lark, now I have written..
I shall head off to an appointment
with a swing in my step and a pulse, da dum da dum..centred deep within.
and am I going to act on this fantasy
hell no...but then again I guess I just did..I wrote about it!!

The mood acording to Nick Cave

2005-10-20T00:38:00.000+10:00

Yep thats whose playing on lovely lovers system, oh hes so maudlin and beautiful and rich with words.

So Nick has the ability to really take the listener on a journey, and he is magical..The journey tonight, just contentment because he I am going with the rich with words vibe..
I have not had a drink of alcohol for ten days, not sniffed , not coveted, not wanted a drink.. At first from fear and self loathing, hey whatever it takes!!! Then after I thought I was losing my mind for 24 hours and my body hurt, I didn't want a drink purely because I had gone through that hell and there is a certain triumph to that...it also made me realise, I had a serious problem..and I don't now..I had the light bulb moment, though more than flicking the epiphanous switch, it was more like a blow to the head literally when smashed, an irrational thought process fueled by pissy eyed delusion made me refuse to go to the hospital, that could have seen me without my partner, without the respect of my daughter, without my life, and without ME..so there I was , here I am...I feel like I am being cleaned, I feel like I own me again..its only a problem when it becomes a problem, and it was a problem. And no I am not tempted or freaked out, I don't even have have it in the front of my mind, its just there simmering, comforting me, it was simple, I was blessed with something I know not what, I was blessed with the decision maybe,?????? I feel like I know how to rescue me again, which is something I have always been want to do,, well a girl can slip of her rails sometime.
So thats today , tonight, raining outside late into the night early into the morning..one of my favorite times...
Its warm now , it won't keep really cold again till next year..
Flowers are everywhere, calling my nose to them for deep hayfever loaded sniffs, everywhere is in full blown color...people are starting to pour into our neighbourhood on the weekends and we have to share our outside tables in the sun with families and backbackers ready for summer..
Its the price you pay for living in paradise.
And I will ..gladly .
So its been a serious time, loaded with magic and energy I forgot I had. I think I will dance more and smile more now. I will not make promises or say I will when I won't.
I am not scared of being alone with me, physically or spiritually and I forgot that for a moment. I didn't let my being get clear enough to know where I was at..after death, marriage crap etc...I can stand and face the sky and say , well thats life and the pain has passed, i just wasn't sober long enough to notice!!!...and I can breath and I have so much to love and quite possibly heaps to give.
Time will tell.

my place in the sun

2005-10-03T16:12:00.000+10:00

Its been so long since I blogged, I guess you do when you do!!
Blogging is only an obligation for me, though its lovely when its read and apreciated, in an obscure, out there sort of way..
Where have I been these past few weeks, not far from this chair and this beautiful room in the physical , but in the spiritual, sometimes I have been in the ether in the void, other times so in my own head that I am sure that I could have spontaneously combusted leaving nothing but a pair of fabulous shoes and a pile of sad ashes. Quite the journey, we have em I suppose. I like to think I have grown, learned as a woman, a person, a lover, a friend. But it seems when I loose sight of me, I am not so good at any of these things...so I am crawing back from the murky depths of a wee bit of depression. Wherein there by the grace of god go me, I think I have maybe evolved a little more. I know how beautiful life is , I know because it is offered up to me everyday.
SO Whats been happening.??
We have planted out the entire garden, my lovely lover says its a promise for a future, well not quite in those words, but I got it, and I feel it. To just tend to it, is peace and joy.
My daughter celebrated another birthday, I was honoured to spend much of that day with her, I am more honoured to be her mother.
I have had party girl time with my lovely ladies, mostly fun, but a little too much for a fragile spirit sometimes. Haircuts and champagne and dancing and laughing, holding each others babies, swapping clothes, swapping stories, where would I be without them. More sober more often I think. But way less happy.The girls are all about balance for me.
Lovely lover nailed a major part of a project and I celebrate his dedication. He also nailed me quite a few times, and rather nicely at that.
I had a minor (but loud obnoxious and painfull) nervous breadown, surrounding trust issues and more of the same, seems like the damage of sexual assault, still lurks deep in the heart. Promise to me to go there and know I am safe and loved and learn some more. Lovely lover can only take so much and both of us have had enough. That was fucking scary as hell, and as I type I realise how deep it cuts as my legs have gone weak and my heart starts to beat, i feel sick and scared, its powerfull shit and these are just feelings of relief that I am feeling a little more on the other side.. The thought of losing my magic life to something in my past (recent and then way back when) is abhorrent to me. And its time to make it stop.....more later I am sure.
Oh and by way of balancing up the heavy with the light...I have two new pairs of shoes....sigh
One pair is a copy of Dorothy Wizard of Oz shoes the ruby slippers, my god who wouldn't be happy wearing them.
And the other??? thigh high black patent over L'L's shoulder boots. Great therapy in themselves.
Can't believe I have bashed out some words, feared I never would again...thats like a death to me. I refuse to even read back on this one, spelling mistakes, lack of punctuation, I care not today...for today I have padded my fingers over the keyboard..today is a good day.

mid afternoon musings

2005-09-17T15:38:00.000+10:00

Well I just partied a little too hard last night..went and filmed with my DV cam, I have hardly used it, but I have a bee in my bonnet about making a short film, so time to work it all out..
Lovely lover I guess is a huge source of inspiration..and I am very inspired indeed. I am surrounded by the medium and I have been working on this script for years...this week I just feel now that it is complete and I am ready to roll.
Of course being an instant gratification Gemini, means I am like a bull at a gate, I need to actually get a story board sorted and organise my shoot..sigh, I just wanna do the fun stuff.

This week has been quite the little journey, a glitch or two in the Matrix of my relationship, a few trust issues from the past came up..I exploded, fuck I am a flight or flee kinda girl. I hate the uncertainty of my inner deep recesses of thought. Its stuff from so far way back and it is a constant work in progress. The worst feeling is mistrust, because there is so little you can do about it..I loathe deep inside the feelings that somehow I deserved it, not good enough for the truth or for love that matter. However there has been conversation and connection and even though I fell in love quite by accident (a lovely one of course), I entered into this relationship with hesitation and a little fear, but it seemed right then and it seems more than right now. Ex partners ,ex lovers, are a part of who we are , but they are not our now they are our then.. So I try not to bathe in the melancholia it does me no good, except for some great poetry!! Whew so it was tough and I hurt a little still, but more after shocks than anything else. I like to think these things deepen a good relationship not tear it apart. And I have to learn not to run scared. We deserve great things for ourselves and for each other, this is life. And I am full of it, and him and us. All this reflection and pondering and hurting hearts and tears in the shower and holding holding holding him as he sleeps, can make a girl a little messy.

Two of my best girlfriends are in town. Delicious little trouble making tarts. We are all going to a friends closed salon tomorrow for haircuts and champagne. Too fun.

Its date night tonight, I am hoping for a warm glow of specialness and good vibes. All my secret sex slave , latex, school girl, tie my up, tie me down, pull my hair, spank me hard, treat me like a slut fantasies are floating in the ether,.
I am more intent on making my man feel renewed and energised with a white light fusion of ritual and spirituality and if there is any sex, the magic variety will be just fine. In fact I am aiming for levitation in all areas.

good things happen

2005-09-12T10:03:00.000+10:00

Sunday...a little blah.Big Fridaybusy SaturdaySaturday Night friends birthday party.Sunday Morning a little scattered, the kind of sensation that needs vegemite, coffee, vitamin B,slow movements and not too much noise. And Sunshine!!! but alas, Melbourne is also feeling a little vague today," ïs it spring, oh I forgot."
My darling is about to take a bath and read On the Road, I am pondering whether my Sunday afternoon regular, meet girlfriends for a drink routine is such a good idea. Its never a bad one to be honest.
Lovely lover had a massive fuck up with some editing he was doing, fixable but tedious so I know he has to be focused, thankfully I have learnt that being busy does not mean that I am not loved adored needed etc...Took a while, he sure knows how to bury himself in his work....and me as well....mmmm yes he does.
Of course I am incredibly horny today...he is a little more switch on/switch off than me, we discussed this in the tub on Friday night, I always seem to be a gentle simmer. Of course when it comes to fucking which is regular and unpredictable, he is 100% into the moment. I am not overly aggressive when it comes to seduction but without a doubt I work at being ready for him whenever the mood strikes...pussy aways clean shaven, mouth willing, heart open. I also aim for an enema at least weekly, not neccessary for a good anal fucking but rather lovely non the less.

So back to my even more achy and tingling desires..what to do?As I sit and write I know that right now I could side my fingers down to my hard little clit and get off within seconds..but no, and its not denial, I am loving the longing, the little primal scream that is welling up in me.

Instead I am going to set up my massage table and light candles in the living room (such a sexy beautiful room, our home is homage to our art and love). I will warm the oil and when my darling is done bathing, I shall give him a long massage, a thai oil massage in fact. I will ease out those shoulders and glutes until he turns to butter. AS I am doing this I will channel wonderful loving energy into his body. And this is the most important part of taking care of him, breathing light and joy into his soul..and I will be happy for it to end there….one can never predict.

Then there is the fantasy of it all.........
ANd yes then I would love for him to eat my pussy licking in long languid hot strokes as I turn around and suck his cock deep into the back of my throat till my eyes water. and when he has me close and he is close we will back away and kiss and kiss and kiss.The he will place my ass on the edge of the table and drive his cock into me while his thumb flicks hard and fast over my clit..as I cum he will pull out and slide into my ass, which has been prepared for him via the butt plug I have had in these past few hours. He will hold his cock inside me till I soften and start pushing against him willing him on, desperate for his cum, he will reach towards my nipples twisting turning pulling...he will feel me pulsing around him and his brow will furrow and he will throw his head back as he cums deep inside me. He will hold me for what feels like forever and I will not be able to tell where he begins and I end. We will giggle and kiss and he will get back to work and I will go see the girls with a big smile on my face or else I might just give him that massage and know that is beautiful tooI’ll keep you posted!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

a little reality and a little fantasy

2005-09-09T11:55:00.000+10:00

Spring is springing in Melbourne town....delicious warm gusts with the promise of summer scented with jasmine and eucalypt, sigh!! But as with early spring, between those garden growing, bike riding, sun worshipping days comes rain and frantic gusty storms across the bay, black clouds fly across the waves sweeping up the sea birds and whipping my face with sand. I love this time of year. Its predictable unpredictability.

Today is bleak and cloudy but it has that gorgeous Friday feel, the weekend looms in front of me...I am in my office and my lover sits across from me at his desk editing a film he is working on..the soundtrack is haunting and steeped in melancholia, when I first heard it, I thought I woud never get any of my work done with that swirling around my space..however now that I have heard it a hundred times plus...well its just noise.

and days like this make me want to write..........

He sleeps, I slide from under the covers, so as not to disturb his dreams, his rest.
I go to the bathroom, I splash my face, its cold, and my cheeks turn red with the tingling burn..
I move to the kitchen..........coffee strong, not because I like it that way ( I dilute) he does.
As it brews I shower, new coconut salt scrub wakes up my skin and lifts my spirits, it leaves a coating of oil on my skin, I like the water, the way it forms rivulets over my breasts and trickles down my stomach across the slick the scrub has left. I shave my pussy as is ritual every day..always silky smooth.
I remain naked even though the chill has me shivering.
I open the door with my elbow and softly walk to his side of the bed. As I place the tray on the table his hand slides out from under the covers, to stroke my ass.
"Good morning sweet one", his eyelids flicker open and the look up at me piercing green.
"turn around"
and I do.
"face the wall, open your legs for me"
I lean against the plaster, arch my back and spread my legs, I feel the cool air over my wet lips"
"use your fingers darling, show me how wet you are this morning"
I slide my hands over my ass, using my fingers to spread myself open further, I dip my middle finger into my pussy, it grips and clenches , I try not to go too fast, I slide in a second and slowly stroke in and out.
"very nice darling, turn around"
I extract my fingers, and turn, I look into his eyes, they are sparkling, my stomach lurches with love and lust.
"show me how much you love your own taste"
I take my fingers to my mouth and lick and suck off every little drop of me, my clit pulsing as his eyes never leave my face.
"closer, legs open"
I step forward he slides the covers down, his brown chest exposed as he raises up on his pillows. He sips his coffee and nods with apreciation.
His hand reaches towards my pussy and he slides his fingers between the slippery folds, back and forth in a sawing motion. My legs are weak. I take a nipple in each hand and pull and twist, sending electric current to my clit. I can hear and feel my wetness increase and he languidly dips three fingers in and out of me.
"You are going to cum so hard"
This I now is true.
"now help me precious"
He fucks his fingers in and out, I stare at his beautiful biceps and feel his strength deep inside me. My right hand trails to my pussy, I swirl my fingers over my clit, I feel one finger slide into my ass and gain momentum with my pussy. I lean back using the wall for support, my fingers almost smoking against my aching clit. I feel the dam burst as I gush and squirt my nectar over his fingers and down my thighs ..I push out more and feel the urgent flow. I feel it trickling down my ankles as we both slow down. I hear my breath ragged all around me, my chest heaving as he pulls me down to him..kissing my thighs and savouring my sweetness. His brings my face to his all covered in juices and kisses me deep and hard, gathering my hair in his fist and biting my lips and sucking my tongue.
He pulls away a little and smiles at me and into me.
"now my little slut, face the wall, I think your ass is mine this morning"
So I turn.
"good girl"
YES I AM

Dancing in a sea of love

2005-09-03T07:58:00.000+10:00

So I have been staring at this blank page for what seems an eternity...I digressI love this site..I read it , I get aroused by the written word and the blend of erotica, itelligence and play and now here I sit wanting to go into a floral sizzling intense rant about my sex, my lover, my fantasties...sheesh my imagination and lack of early morning coffee have me..well sigh!And then I realise..I can't really write because my mind is elsewhere and I have to put it here...My mind is down in the kitchen...grinding coffee and making oatmeal with cranberries and banana cos whats on my mind has a healthy appetite this morning...Whats on my mind fucked me senseless last night..yes he did.After a busy weekend of family and sunshine and twee but important domestic tasks that make our space beautiful..it was finally time. This girl loves foreplay, but three days, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof..first was the pull into the mini office as our friend used the phone just outside and deep tongue kissing, ravenous and tearing down my top and biting on my nipples till my legs were weak..then back to our friend as he finished his call..a little while later after much flirting, he ate my pussy with such hunger and stopped as I reached for the back of his head...my mind begging him to tongue my ass , my pussy , my mouth more more..busy day he says ..work to do.Then his cock deep in my mouth just before I had to go and be somewhere else..just a few minutes of that perfect golden rock hard precious manhood fucking my throat till my eyes watered..I ambled to the bar and met my girlfriends all a bit left of centre and smiling from deep within my pussy.One can't forget a Sunday in the garden, naked and catching the first tantalizing rays of a promise of spring...His beautiful hard body tanned and wiry next to my milky white skin and softness..carressing and full body holding for time unknown whilst his tongue swept over my lashes and lips. Massaging him, every little pressure point, every sore spot, deep tissue work trying not to be distracted by the curve of his ass and my pussy sliding along his spine in long oily strokes as I worked his stresses away..surely now???No he is editing it was back to the grind and I fed him field mushrooms with truffle oil and ribeye with red wine sauce..we ate we kissed we spooned we slept..I woke with my fingers sliding over my pussy..save it, it will be soon.Pottering about while he works on a sound mix and we pass in the hall and meet for coffee in the garden...the day passes with brush pasts and soft pats on my ass and deep kisses between work..We walk the beach to watch the sun go down and catch up on our day...we have a beer overlooking the bay..he asks if I am hungry..when he goes to the washroom I send him a text "YES I AM VERY HUNGRY"he recieves it we leave to walk...he laughs and holds me tight against the gale of wind that has us pretending to fly down the street coats blowing back behind us ,cheeks stinging with smiles and biting air...We eat excellent pizza...on the street..everything but no peppers on my side..We take the side streets home...we talk and hold hands.At home we feed the cat..we become all shy..I do washing for gods sake, he flirts with me as I hang it out..I suggest listening to Leonard Cohen..he says he has to work..this bites..He fucks around photo editing..he puts leonard on..I leave the room and go wash some more ..its a good night for drying!.am I dancing or playing a game.I read in the living room by fairy and candle light, The house of the spirits ....I am compelled..We shower..we freshen..we cuddle..WE climb into bed..we feel a little nervous..and so in love..we kiss a little..as I roll over to get some water , he snuggles in..fuck I turn out the light, what the hell am I doing???I assume he wants to sleep..His cock is pushed up hard against my lower spine..I arch as he presses..I breathe in deep..HIs fingers slide my slip across my breast..pinching my nipple..I roll over and suck his tongue into my mouth...and so ............I turn the light back on.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Streaming

2005-08-29T12:14:00.000+10:00

Monday and I am going to go with a stream of consiousness to get my juices flowing...because subject matter is not my cuppa tea today..
Its windy , don't like it..
my cat went on a small sojourn over the fence...he's 17 years old, god love him, didn't like him being gone...but pleased he still has adventures in him...was sooo happy to see him back as was lovely lover who loves this guy as well.
The weekend was full of intoxicating sunshine and I soaked up as much as possible...the streets were packed with people loving the st kilda vibe and I was stoked that I lived here and didn't have to go out into unless I wanted to. It was a little taste of things to come as it warms up here and I was drunk on the blue skies.
My niece came over for a playdate, shes three and full of her own importance and hard work and adorable, I loved having her here, but I don't think I have it in me anymore to want that everyday, my sister however is just a gun Mummy and it suits her so well, she is currently in hospital trying to ward off and early labour as she is expecting her second baby...white light out to the universe to protect her...
Yesterday...I lay my big soft red velvety rug out in le jardin and sklaved around in the sun.. letting it warm me...Lovely lover was naked nearly all afternoon...he tans well and worships at the old school alter off the sun...myself a lily, kept a little more covered till I discovered just how amazing it is too lift ones bare pussy into the suns rays and let the breeze wash over...I highly recommend this activity, it was like the sky was licking me with a tongue like a cloud.
It was a perfect time to fuck but my mind was into making lovely lover feel good..so I gave him a nice little pressure point massage, watching his jaw soften and feeling his muscles melt was so very sweet..I had to try hard at some points to focus on the therapeutic task at hand as every so often I wanting to side my well oiled fingers between his cute little ass cheeks and tease his asshole a little ....he has such a nice butt and I think it deserves a little more attention.
He reciprocated with some massage and my body yielded well to his touch, he has great technique improving all the time.It was a wonderful exercise in tantra as well, full body hugs wrapped around each other, molding and melding and holding..sublime
It was then time to get ready for my Sunday afternoon sessions at my fabulous local...Usually a solo adventure to catch up with my girlies and do the weekend post mortem, lover comes occasionally when he feels like it...which is my idea of balance and independence gotta adore it.
Before I got ready my pussy was treated to a teasing lick...which made me so hot and goddam bothered. I wanted that tongue deep in me...my cunt , my ass and he knew it..bad boy...
As I was leaving I took his cock in my mouth and I really took it all ...I wanted my eyes to water.holding his ass cheeks ..pulling him into me, sucking like a woman possesed, love having my mouth fucked....
but alas I was running late...sigh, so I had to dash...
it nearly 24 hours later now....and I love the constant little heart beat in my panties..wondering will it be minutes ..hours or days...and not caring....life is lovely
And last but not least ..the pic taken in the wee small hours after my housewarming....my beautiful shoes, just wanted to share.....

so is this good

2005-08-24T21:51:00.000+10:00

Hell I like his music..fun little quiz when you are feeling full of yourself!!

Captain Beefheart... you are one of the first
modern fucked-up geniuses. When it comes to
creating, you rank right up there with the
likes of James Mangan, John Wilmot and Edvard
Munch.

Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by http://www.blogger.com/">Quizilla

Have I been sleeping

2005-08-22T21:46:00.000+10:00

. I am in love with my love and I have really fallen deeply......right into it...swimming and splashing about...I did not know that I would ever wallow and float in a world such as this....
that's right..no doubt , already in love with Lover, have been for quite sometime...knew indeed that this was a special relationship..something a little deeper..and indeed richer...
But it is the whole love that has elevated me to a place where the wings on my heels have me touching the clouds....and the view below and all around is ........................beautiful.
I have fallen in love with this love we have...this love is beyond us....its here right now and everyday its telling me to live it and experience it..and because it is so intensely organic and powerfull I have no choice but to follow my solar plexis and be in the moment....
Last week was amazing...the separation of us sitting side by side as Lover focused on finishing a short film..had me a little dazed...in the past the rumination would have begun"...shit what's up..its me ...he thinks ...oh yes I know he does...lets ponder it more....no really its me...crap me...its me...come on girl you can to better than that...run run ,its your fault, ......plenty of reason to be uncertain...come on!! more....... you wonderful little saboteur you!!!"and there I would be....living in the poo, nay wallowing in the tar...drowning that's it drowning in a vat of something viscous and smelly!!!!!!
This time my new found in love with my love sensability ...took me to real places..fear...trepidation..rejection...fuck it paranoia and then some...."fuck he's working, hard..I can see that...wow I am busy with moving...his focus when he works is dynamic...god he is doing some great work...hang on...but we haven't had sex...hmmm we are busy...you know this man...shit girl you know yourself...you will talk soon....it will be cool...get busy..acknowledge those fears from long ago...you understand the connection...surrender....because this love is good..this love is out of the mould...you will be fine.....you will fuck soon and baby it will be so good...because this is a good love.".......the dialogue has changed, I have changed....
I am in love with my love...
Yes we talked and I think I may have even raised my voice, but only one octave...there was no walking around it....Lover likes to communicate...we didn't race to the bed to prove all was well between our hearts via our open legs...we talked ..expressed...got a load of our minds...worked things through..fell a little deeper in love....
And so I am sitting in all its warmth and heart, knowing that somewhere in my youth or chidhood I must have done something good.

Middle of the night

2005-08-14T04:08:00.000+10:00

Hmmm middle of the night.. 4am...lover and I are in the office...a friend dropped by for an impromptu dinner last evening..pizza ,wine, good vibes..
She left and we hit the pillows sleeping at the ungodly hour of 10.30 pm...okay we were still a little bent out of shape from Friday night frivolity at our local bar..loud music...imbibibing..dancing..teetering home in too high heels..warm and fuzzy.
I spent the afternoon in the backyard painting, drinking wine in a sleepy need sunshine vibe...listening to bluegrass in my own little paris texas nirvana...sigh..
I love this place, this world we are creating...our own little artists colony..a sacred space....
life is ....well, very lovely really.

OH god!!!!!

2005-08-12T10:35:00.000+10:00

Quick moment to reflect on the reason why my pussy is so happy on this friday morning.........
well its because ...it was teased incessantly yesterday with little steamy kisses on my mouth..
and watching lover shave..and sharing a bath...being allowed to take that ever scrumptious cock in my mouth for random sucks and licks...
It was chai tea in the middle of the night till finally a warm bed and some excellent yinyang sucking licking and sliding fingers in and out.....
it was deep slow hard fast fucking while lover bit and sucked hard on my aching nipples till I thought possibly that alone could make me cum..then taking his cock in my mouth and tasting myself ,licking him clean and holding him deep in my mouth ravenous for him.
It was rolling me on top all hot and sweating taking him so deep inside and grinding down till I could feel my juices melting out of me as I rode him wet and slippery.pulling my hair...nipples bitten twisted.tongue in my mouth....it was him telling me to fuck him over and over , that was the edge... hearing him demand I fuck him hard, saying my name, I thought I would explode into a thousand sparkling heartbeats and pulses....my pussy gushing, boiling over, my mind going blank as my primal sex energy won the moment...fuck me, fuck me, ramming down onto that wonderful cock attached to that incredible man.....
resting a little.......kisses and nibbles and love energy
... ready for him to hold my ass in his hands and slide his cock in from behind....feeling him in deep as he bit my shoulders and kissed my ears and neck..sliding me down on my tummy..languid fucking till the fever built..arching my back..meeting his thrust..hearing his moans..feeling the man..the really beautiful man...with a pulse of white light..feeling his strength and vigour as he came deep inside where I was hot and receptive...easing ...holding.... resting ..giggling...talking...more tea....sleeping...loving...

The lovely life

2005-08-10T10:08:00.000+10:00

Hmmm well its Wednesday. Midweek over the hump so to speak..So fucking chilly, have to stop complaining about the weather.My spiritual side wants to celebrate the changes in the seasons, its just that some I welcome in with a little more gusto than others..Must be the control freak in me and we all know we can't control the weather...

Still dressed in oh so sexy trackpants and robe...So lover gets to see me at worst , first thing in the morning!!! Lucky bastard! Having said that..I do like to preen etc....Though I find it hard to be organic about "dressing"up for him etc...Thank god I naturally wear sexy underwear because planned dressing for sex makes me feel a bit silly most of the time...sure I've done it..for roleplay or parties etc, its incongruous I guess as I love to fuck and play and take on roles but the actuality is I can be self conscious as well, ah vulnerability don't we love it...probably the little sub in me.
have hankering for shower not just for the cleanliness and warmth but to groom my pussy, legs etc and celebrate the beginning of my cycle..all fresh and new. I love the beginning of a new 28 days I feel very much like sister moon I guess. I love being a women period (excuse the pun) though to be a man for a day !!!!! I wouldn't be able to stop fucking or touching myself, I would be a pervert for sure.Except I would have to be a crossdresser on account of my shoe desires.

Lover is editing (producing, creating) a fantastic short film at present and its soundtrack is electric as it twists and turns playing in the background, I feel its rush, its octane and its bloody brilliant. Makes me want to type faster, makes me happy, my favorite emotion of all..That and peace. Living with such talent is more than one could hope for. In fact I think I almost gave up on that notion.

I had plans before I met him not to make any plans at all, except what was the next type of fun I was having.I had been in a less than satisfactory relationship with a beige judgmental man that had left me a little shattered and disillusioned and somewhat antsy for some seriously good sex how I wanted it to be, I was faithful in that relationship and frustrated by the sex.

So was I looking to be validated, made whole, appreciated? Sure maybe a little, but not a lot. I have spent most of my life thinking about and acting upon my love of sex and sensuality, discovering how good it felt to have my pussy licked at the tender age of 12 my my sweet girlfriend and neighbour was indeed an awakening....it was a few years before I had my first orgasm but the desire to do so, had me trying all sorts of ways, my Labrador even got a look in(or is that lick!) on my pursuit of the big one..the little death, and when I first came, I knew I wanted to do it a lot for the rest of my life.Some people want to be missionary's, some turn to homemaking or various other interests, I was keen on the idea of being a cumslut.A little obsessive maybe.Of course my life is now full of other interests, I have grown , I love the arts, my family.....Oh but the orgasm .the primal urge that roots us to the word, the sex magic..its still big for me, still important ,still lovely.

So then along came lovely lover and in fact that was my plan for him at first..A bit of fun and play and I am not one for not engaging intimacy with a casual lover so it wasn't a cold and calculated plan but our basic premise for spending time together at first was quality sex with a quality person.The first time we fucked I knew that we had a chemistry and that's what I had been wanting it to feel like, to feel moved, electric, dirty, desired and free.
.................... but along with the weather you can't control your heart either thank the universe, because now I am happier than I have been in a very long while and rather devoted to making his world a better place as well.Oh and of course there is still great fucking and lots more to explore.

Fire has been it by fire sign....love this space...time for that shower

Monday Monday

2005-08-08T15:49:00.000+10:00

Oh lordy me...two days after party night...lots of achy bits...
Woke up way too early .....
Darling Daughter rang to say she had said the ""L" word to current beau...he didn't reciprocate..dear little heart all a bit bruised and sore.Felt a bit sad for her , because she felt in her own words "dumb", myself I think you gotta say what you gotta say..she will learn this...The truth will set you free, even when it can sometimes bite you on the ass and make you feel like a dick.
I have had my share of unrequited love..and I its funny to think sometimes you have been the requited, life is like that.
My first big crush was on the lead singer of the bay city rollers..I was 11 he was scottish and wore roller strollers for gods sake...and then there was the deep and meaningfull lyrics such as shangalang shangalang ...and on it went.Fortunately my taste in music and men have progressed a little,I like a bit more depth and emotion on both levels and as for men...being able to be in the same room with them helps...
Second crush was Aldo , cute little italian (god I loved the local Italian boys I thought they were so cosmopolitan and they smelt so good, ironically I never went beyond a kiss with any of them..I now finally have my own Italian and it was worth the wait)
So Aldo was a boy shorter than me with a rather strange pidgeon chest..year 7 ,12 years old and we never even kissed probaby because he asked if he could finger me via a note passed in English class..long live romance, where was the dinner where was the dancing!!!.I said no..(go figure).not long after the we were history..I cried all the way home on the school bus, and instanty knew I was destined to be a melancholy baby forever more. I was more impassioned about the maybes rather than what really happened.
listening to my girl today...I felt a sense of relief..knowing she is far more evolved at 21 than I was..The whole self actualization process has been quite the journey for me...rather lovely one I will admit but tougher, many moments where I have had to question the victim or volunteer mentality, that seemed to be part of my M.O.
Oh my goodness..this was my favorite poem for almost all my life....aaah the bittersweet musings and lusting for romance!!!! Sigh
I am no good at love
My heart should be wise and free
I kill the unfortunate golden goose
Whoever it may be
With over-articulate tenderness
And too much intensity.
I am no good at love
I batter it out of shape
Suspicion tears at my sleepless mind
And gibbering like an ape,
I lie alone in the endless dark
Knowing there's no escape.
I am no good at love
When my easy heart I yield
Wild words come tumbling from my mouth
Which should have stayed concealed;
And my jealousy turns a bed of bliss
Into a battlefield.
I am no good at love
I betray it with little sins
For I feel the misery of the end
In the moment that it begins
And the bitterness of the last good-bye
Is the bitterness that wins.
NOEL COWARD

Sunday Morning Coming Down

2005-08-07T09:17:00.000+10:00

Hmmmm
sure I am awake!!!
Woke up with urgent need to pee...
Made it...nice work.. proceeded to want to touch myself or lovely man...night residue...dreams after partying and wild delicious sex consisted of submissive fantasies..lots of cock in my mouth..being his cumslut.... oh and an amazing pair of shoes (its a thing I got!).wow that actually may not have been a dream..woke from my horny fog to a bleak cloudy morning..but so I care ??NO, because life is lovely.
Had a lovely breakfast date with adorable daughter at Borscht Vodka and Tears..best eggs Benny in the world..and as always the company was a delight.my bias is valid.
Partied with Lover last night...all a bit all over the shop.Aah the best laid plans of afternoon enema and playing in my cubby house were put to bed, because I took myself off on an artists date in the afternoon and went to the Vic Gallery and a few others in between...got a serious fix and felt much more cultured by the end of my sojourn!! I love those moments where I get to spend time with me, reminds me that I am really quite nice! The streets of Melbourne town were the set for my own movie starring me..felt free and happy. Ran into an old friend who endowed me with some party products which Lover and I shared...So date night was excellent fun if not a little enhanced by said endowment...feel fine this morning as we wore ourselves out with talking dancing making love and taking a bath. Slept well but could do with a little more.Maybe a disco nap this afternoon??? no point in setting that notion in stone as part of coming down is the unpredictability of it all.
Lover has just built a raging fire in HQ..its a bloody chilly little sunday morning...amost worth it to see those flames light up this wonderful space. Lover builds great fires ...perhaps its because he is indeed a fire sign its inate in him...So HQ way early in the morning feels cosy and huggably warm..Such a wonderful creative room. The good vibes in this home of ours just keep growing as does my appreciation of the gift that is my wonderful partner.
Hmmm well time to wrap up...and enjoy some fire love...Lover just took each of my nipples in his mouth..oh and he knows I will ride on that for hours!!! naughty boy.Still tingling.
Still smiling.....

Saturday Morning

2005-08-06T12:50:00.000+10:00

What a beautiful morning it is here in St Kilda...
Lovely lover and I had coffee and the standard quick fix toastie in the garden and loved on the snowpeas lettuce and Italian parsley...amazing little wonders rooting into the ground , growing all by themselves.
The sun not sure of itself today, but peaking our here and there, like a sweet three old behind Mummys legs..all shining bright and quite capable of melting your heart with its shining smile.
I love Saturdays..there is no real ryhme or reason to it, its not like I have standard work days, or standard anything much really, maybe I can feel the universal sigh of humanity around me as they can sleep in..take a little longer over coffee.
Last night LL and I hooked up with old friends of mine..J shirley and the MH..we went to the casino..of all fucking places!!! J shirley had never been before (myself never really wanted to go again)..AAAh but we had it all..floor show, brat pack and a well executed bar room brawl. Its was all colour and movement..and great to catch up and through no real thought process feel a little bloody sexy and superior. (man those places can bring out the uglies). Our lives just keep moving MH has got a baby coming and is all a bit well set up and financially secure ..J shirley sense of style just keeps on keeping on..her humour more eccentric and her ability to make a person feel loved is a gift that keeps on giving.She the most amazing quality..she chooses happiness.
AS a sideline I did drink water between drinks and felt a lot better for it.
Homeward bound with Lover, to make beautiful love and sleep like a log. To wake to this day with sweet silliness, and delight.
Must get dressed..if I could go to the store in my robe I would.
Lover has just offered more coffee...nice man.
This afternoon shall be a little domestic and enemic..I have a hankering for a clean home and a clean......

Friday morning

2005-08-05T09:40:00.000+10:00

Oh God
I drink to much...yes yes I have known for a while....but this morning as I pondered my head as I was moving from my slumber .....I just new I had to own it..A bit of an epiphany I guess...Its just time to change..I don't want to wake up with hangovers and heart aches...Franlky I probably only go one day a week without sucking piss...I have already purged into my morning pages and I don't want to become numb to it..like its an idea and I can be creative with it..Its not its an illness..a liver killing soul destroying illness and even though I feel I have kept a lid on it for a bit...I just know I am close to going beyond the reef ..I pride myself on being a fantastic swimmer but even thorpie tires after a while and shit he's not quaffing down wine or copious amounts of cigarettes before a big swim-meet.Lover heard me when I spoke about my up and coming looming alcoholism (yes I said it) and without judgement he agreed.He's a keeper..A non drinking keeper I might add.
So its time to ease up...
The weekend stretches ahead...I want some more sun.
I fancy taking ots of photos this weekend...mad crazy about my camera...and seems everywhere I look is a picture..
Snot levels are dropping..cough is still shitting me.
the drugs make me feel like poo.
I am ready for lots of excitement this week as I finally move the rest of my things into my new world
Moving can officially suck..but I am facing it with the gusto because I know I am going to love having all my stuff around me.
Massage table arrives this weekend and I am going to set up my room and massage my lover till he melts like chocolate under my fingers.
I am listening to Leonard Cohen and dreamin dreamy thoughts...I love that man.
Beautiful lover is sitting on the sofa watching a slide show.And the sweet smell of pot wafts around me...seems to be a very Leonard kind of moment.
Through HQ's window I see palms and gums and blue blue sky.....the light is fantastic...
and I am honoured to have the eyes to see.
This has been a beautiful week (perfect for recognising when one has a bit of a fucking drinking problem) Lots of merging with lover..getting our stuff worked out...moving with more joy in and around each other...learning to live together. the balancing act is becoming organic and there by the grace of god go thee.
.....LIFE

my lovely weekend

2005-08-02T20:48:00.000+10:00

Rent today $800 ffffffuuucccckkkk
hate giving other people money
make note to self, buy house tomorrow!!!
Have shitfull cold, and no sense of smell
Make note to self...must check if cigarettes are bad for me...
bought amazing pair of shoes...add to imelda size pile and dream of summer days.
also bought skinny jeans total fashion victim today..they look cool though
and did I mention I NEVER pay retail
so my weekend.....

Whew well date night went really well...great food and wine ..I cooked and was completely in the groove to do so.I find cooking really grounding and its something I do really well.I did medium rare steaks on huge oven roasted field mushrooms with truffle oil loving them...I finished the steak with a red wine sauce ...no doubt I was craving protein.We had excellent conversation..I love my darlings intelligence, its great to hear the different perspectives from someone who has traveled and experienced life ...and also has a great and passionate soul.
The sex was energetic and deep..I adore the sensation of my juices running down his hips when I fuck him and how he rides up to meet me..Also he fucks me really deep and long which is what I crave..He is very connected to me during sex , and is totally affectionate as well..
Sunday was just as delicious, glorious sunshine and friends over for brunch and chats in the back yard.....I was developing a disgusting head cold, but battled through to an afternoon of chilling with wine and music ..thinking that I was extremely boho and artistic watching lover dance and having a toke. And being all elaborate.taking artsy fartsy shots of us doused in sunlight through the venetian binds..save the snotty tissues and the red nose and the teary eyes and the dry cough and the sneezing and the fact I was deaf in one ear!!!!
Nonetheless after a few hours of watching the sun go down we lit a fire, lit the candles and had such beautiful sex made more beautiful by the superb anal fucking that was slow and sure then frantic and deep and went for ever and I couldn't stop cumming....aaaaahhh
I also zone in on the fact that we stil do the dance around each other..sometimes its head you across the head obvious we want to get it on ....other times we seduce so subtly and that's just as yummy...
frankly I could take that beautiful cock in my mouth at anytime of the day,,he has such rock hardness and strength in his cock...feeling it grow in my mouth is dreamy...however back to the space thing..we also have lives so the anticipation is good..so far I feel I am getting what i need and giving what makes me feel right to give so its a win win.
Though I took a moment out today whilst I was writing an erotic story to try out a new whizz bang all rotating deep thrusting clit tickling vibe...worked a treat...but it was a quick leveler and not in anyway related to the energy I have for my guy.
Then he fixed the tap that I turned too hard and it wouldn't stop dripping and I did some gardening ....made cookies and had a friend over to have a tea in the yard!!!!
.A friend whose boyfriend is seemingly exploring the world of submission without her...she is gutwrenched but she is also not a domme..See I think sexual compatibility and belief systems are huge so why wait till you are almost married to share vital kinks and perversions????..do it early, communicate for gods sake...life and love are too important to dick around with, he has known of his kinks for ages and now she feels powerless and then theres that infidelity clause...it hurts ..what even hurts more I think, is the disease of jealousy and suspicion...ugly place to in...
my poor darling friend is infected as I have been once or twice...not something your average anti biotic can cure..serious medication required such as self love and confidence building. Oh of course if that's all it took!!!!!
I am no sage ...
just a very naughty girl trying to get by in the world. ..still sniffing but not so much, thankfully my medication is working.

Date nite

2005-07-30T18:57:00.000+10:00

Tra da
saturday night is date night for my lover and I..even though we have justed started living together we are trying to maintain some semblance of romance...
actually feel a little snotty , from a cold I have caught from my sweetie...
still in robe and date is due to start in half an hour...so what would I really like???
hmmm at this stage of eary move in time..I still feel a little fractured..some romance would be good...I am not sure my over is all that romantic...not in a conventional way...but its there more a soulfull thing..and me..well I am incurable.
we haven't communicated a lot this week as we have both been busy..must say when he is invoved in a project he is REEAAALLYY involved...I have learnt to respect his focus..something I envy actually...and yes I do have moments of "hello what about me'" but they are rare..I like my space , he likes his space.
Weirdly enough most of the population says they like their space..but when they get it..its all a bit freaky. Take the open relationship ...been in both and both have their merits...my current relationship started out as open but we have decided to go it alone together ...it felt better this way.though we are never quite in sync we humans..it was my decision first..and jealousy was not the main factor..it was time commitment and love..wanting a more intimate journey one on one..I am incredibly into sex and all the wonderful experiences one can have, but this was right for me..Lover said yes and proceeded to explore away from me..not fucking cool...I was hurt and betrayed..all he had to do was say no..and I would have been able to think of my options, I like to have choice.and honesty..as it turns out he just wasn't ready.and feared losing me.he is ready now ..so I bounce through trust issues and the wound is healing.
God knows I loved my playtime most of the time..I have had some outthere sexual moments...and my lover has too...I know we are both great fucks..intimate wild dynamic..and I still have the delicous feeing of just scratching the surface.Sometimes my mind and pussy will wander off and dream of what next scenarios, how I like him to fuck me..secret fantasies etc...yumm ong live imagination , because you gotta have one to make these situations real.

just setting up

2005-07-30T14:08:00.000+10:00

I want to talk about everything here...all of me and more...
so I am 41 I live in australia..I love this place, though Italy and France are calling calling me.
I come from a big catholic family most of whom have strayed from the flock, probaby not as far as me but then its the quiet ones you have to watch. I was raised in the country by the river...childhood..well what can I say. I now have fond memories after a serious lifetime of unlocking them.
As an adult I have played stayed and strayed...many adventures...many good times..
I hope to share it all...
but for now I commit to get this blog out and tend to friday night..all cosy and warm ..and thai curry and baths and maybe a soft orgasm before sleep......sigh

2005-07-30T01:03:00.000+10:00

this is some of me